Bindi Bur Blog

more and more and more tissues

a head full of snot
gifted by my grandchildren
sharing the love

That's nearly a (so-called) traditional haiku. One syllable short on the last line. I could get it in there but... I'll rewrite it instead:

by my grandchildren
a head full of snot

How much better is that?
Normally at this point I would get rid of the first one, but sometimes it's good to remember process. I have haiku that have been through many changes, over years sometimes. Eventually they resolve. I hope.

Mind you I quite like 'sharing the love'. Maybe:

sharing the love
my grand son
his head full of snot

A couple of things wrong. Now the snot line seems too long and I prefer to use active verbs if I can in haiku so 'sharing' doesn't cut it. But I like how specific 'grandson' is.

my grandson
shares his love
head full of snot

I'm happy with this last one. Even though the last line has more syllables than the middle, 'shares' has a long vowel, so the lines seem equal to me. Not that it matters.

What do you think?

I really like this image too. It has been waiting for airing for some time. Would it make a good haiga with the last haiku? Probably, but there is no way I would put the text onto the photo. The composition is too tight.


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